Plop

Plop

Ted says, “When you are using a public toilet and realise the person in the next cubicle is holding fire until you’ve gone, pretend to leave by opening and closing the main door after you’ve washed your hands. Then when you hear the first plop you can give them a huge cheer and laugh out loud!”

Listen to Ted. Ted is very wise. (and sometimes a little mischievous!)

Smile on their face

Smile on their face

Ted says, “Never trust any people who permanently have a smile on their face.They are either trying to sell you something or they’re just not very bright.”

Listen to Ted. Ted is very wise.

Grow Old

Grow Old

Ted says,

“We don’t stop playing because we grow old; we grow old because we stop playing. Stay young, never stop being silly!”

Listen to Ted. Ted is very wise.

Guess Her Age

Guess Her Age

Ted says,

“If you are asked by a woman to guess her age and you get it right, you may be smart but you’re definitely not very bright!”

Listen to Ted. Ted is very wise.

Supersonic

Supersonic

Ted says,

“Convince people you are a Superhero and can travel faster than the speed of sound by standing facing them about 20 foot away and silently mouthing the word ‘Supersonic.’ Then run towards them as fast as you can and say the word ‘Supersonic’ without moving your lips!”

Listen to Ted. Ted is very wise.

Carboard Tube

Carboard Tube

Ted says,

“Just gone a poo in an expensive restaurant and there’s no toilet roll left? Simply take the cardboard tube from the empty loo roll and use it as a very loud megaphone to let everyone eating know of your predicament.”

Listen to Ted. Ted is very wise.

Asthma

Asthma

Ted says,

“If you suffer from asthma or any other respiratory diseases, avoid any holiday destinations described as breathtaking. Especially if the holiday is advertised as a once in a lifetime experience!”

Listen to Ted. Ted is very wise.

Bingo

Bingo

Ted says,

“When someone warns you that,” You’ll regret that in the morning!” just don’t set your alarm and stay in bed until noon. Bingo, No regrets!”

Listen to Ted. Ted is very wise.

Angry Woman

Angry Woman

Ted says,

“Never approach a bull from the front. Never approach a donkey from behind. And never, never, NEVER approach an angry woman from any direction!”

Listen to Ted. Ted is very wise.

Sweaty Things

Sweaty Things

Ted says,

“Don’t pet the sweaty things and don’t sweat the petty things either!”

Listen to Ted. Ted is very wise.

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