What to say

What to say

Ted says,

“A smart person can always think of something to say. A wise person always knows whether to actually say it or not.”

Listen to Ted. Ted is very wise.

What did you say?

What did you say?

Ted says,

“Gentlemen, if a woman says,” What did you just say?” it’s not that she didn’t hear you, she’s just giving you a chance to change what you just said!”

Listen to Ted. Ted is very wise.

Car Windows

Car Windows

Ted says,

“Prevent having to scrape your car windows on these cold and frosty mornings, by simply winding down your side windows and removing your front and back windscreens and leaving them by the fire overnight.”

Listen to Ted. Ted is very wise.

North Pole

North Pole

Ted says,

“Prove clever clogs people who say annoying things like, “The world doesn’t revolve around you, you know.” wrong by traveling to the North Pole and sending them a screenshot of your Google map co-ordinates!”

Listen to Ted. Ted is very wise.

Climate Change

Climate Change

Ted says,

“I must admit, I’m starting to believe all this talk of climate change. I mean, just a few months ago it was really warm but now it seems to be cold every day!”

Listen to Ted. Ted is very wise.

Stains

Stains

Ted says,

“Before attempting to remove stubborn stains from a garment, always circle the soiled area with a permanent pen so that when you remove it from the washing machine you can easily locate the area and check that the stain has gone!”

Merry Christmas to all my fans. I love you all. ❤️🎅🎄❤️

Listen to Ted. Ted is very wise

New Years Eve 2020

New Years Eve 2020

Ted says,

“Thursday is New Year’s Eve so make the most of the time you have left in 2020 to do all the things you resolve never to do again in the new year!”

“Let’s hope 2021 is a much better year for us all. Happy New Year to all my fans.”

Listen to Ted. Ted is very wise.

App

App

Ted says,

“I have created an amazing phone app for you all to buy just in time for Christmas! It’s called TwinMe! Basically, you upload your selfie and then my stunning app shows you what your twin would look like if you had one! Here’s mine. Isn’t it incredible?”

“PayPal me just £9.99 @TedOnTuesday and get this World beating app in time for Christmas! 🎅”

(Don’t always) Listen to Ted.

Ted (can be) a very wide boy

DFS

DFS

Ted says,

“Recreate a game of Pacman by hurrying down the isles in DFS whilst trying to avoid the salesmen.

Turn the tables by producing your, “I’ve got a complaint!” letter above your head, then try to stop them as they instantly change their demeanour and skulk away to the nearest staff only exit.”

Listen to Ted. Ted is very wise.

COVID Friendly

COVID Friendly

Ted says,

“With all these places advertising themselves as ‘Covid Friendly’, there’s no wonder lockdowns are increasing - we need to be hostile to this virus, not actively encouraging it!”

Listen to Ted. Ted is very wise.