Donald

Donald

Ted says,

“It is said that a monkey hitting keys at random on a typewriter for an infinite amount of time will eventually write the complete works of Shakespeare. Therefore it stands to reason, all Donald Trump needs to be considered the greatest US president ever is an infinite amount of time and a monkey that can type. Good luck with that Donald!” 😁

Listen to Ted. Ted is very wise.

Zoo

Zoo

Ted says,

“Are you fed up and feeling a little mischievous?” “Cause enormous panic at your local zoo by running around with a replica rifle, a look of extreme anguish on your face and frantically asking everyone you see, “Which way did it go?””

Listen to Ted. Ted is very wise. (and very naughty sometimes!)

Social Networks

Social Networks

Ted says, “Relive the old fashioned experience of social networks like instagram and tumblr without the use of a computer or phone by printing off pictures of your cat, any meals you’ve eaten or exotic cocktails you’ve drunk, and wandering around showing them to strangers in the street!”

Listen to Ted. Ted is very wise.

Year 3000

Year 3000

Ted says, “Are you worried about Corona wiping the planet out? Don’t be, because Busted have been to the year 3000 and not much has changed. Although they do live underwater but that’s due to climate change apparently. So that probably wasn’t a hoax and definitely not a symptom of Covid….Although everything else seems to be!”

Listen to Ted. Ted is very wise.

Cornflakes

Cornflakes

Ted says, “Before you go to bed, pour cornflakes around on all the ground floors. You can then sleep sound in the knowledge that if any burglar enters your property you will instantly be woken by the loud crunching sound as they try to sneak around. As an added bonus, when you wake up you will have a hearty breakfast waiting for you as soon as you go downstairs!”

Lube

Lube

Ted says, “Always carry a small pack of butter just incase you get your head stuck in some railings. You can use it to free yourself, or someone else can use it as lube. 😉

If you forget the butter, then simply take the precaution of walking on the road well away from them. This works pretty well as I’ve never got my head stuck in railings and have only been knocked down twice!”

Listen to Ted. Ted is very wise.

Paintballing

Paintballing

Ted says, “Next time you go paintballing don’t be persuaded in to buying loads of expensive extra pellets. Instead, when you’ve run out of ammo, simply attach a freshly dipped paint brush to the end of your shotgun, then run and scream menacingly at your opponents using it as a cheap but effective home made bayonet!”

Listen to Ted. Ted is very wise.

Jesus

Jesus

Ted says, “Feel like Jesus must have felt when healing the crippled by waving your hands around mystically at the people getting out of their cars in the disabled spots in Asda car park.”

Listen to Ted. Ted is very wise.

Shopping

Shopping

Ted says, “Have fun in the supermarket next time you go alcohol shopping. Fill you trolley to bursting point with booze, then add one packet of nappies. When paying, pretend that you don’t have enough money and put the nappies back. Watch the disapproving faces of the checkout personnel and have a good old chuckle!”

Listen to Ted. Ted is very wise (and a tad mischievous!)

See Me

See Me

Ted says, “Freak out people you don’t want to talk to when they call your name by looking behind yourself, then back at them quizzically , and saying, “You can see me?””

Listen to Ted. Ted is very wise.